


Love Is A Ghost

by LannaBanzai



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Cursed!Killian, F/M, Florist AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-03-09 15:49:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3255527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LannaBanzai/pseuds/LannaBanzai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killian Jones was brought over from the Enchanted Forest along with the rest of its inhabitants by the Dark Curse. He took up residence as a florist, tending to flowers being the only thing that helps calm his haunted memories. That is, until he meets Emma Swan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Nightmare

The streets were empty.

_Quiet._

It was sort of  _eerie._

A small town at night, completely and utterly silent.

Well, it was utterly silent until a very frustrated Emma hopped out of her car and the transformer exploded. 44 not-telling-you street? What a pain! She ran her hand through her hair as Henry hopped out of the other side, but before she could say anything a casual, lilting voice called out to them.

“Is everything alright, lass?” She spun around, pausing at the sight of him. Unruly dark hair, scruff lining his jaw, blue eyes visible even in this dark street. He was utterly gorgeous and Emma found herself staring at him in shock. That is until he winked at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Hi Killian." Henry grinned.

“Ah, hello lad.” The man, Killian, said as he stepped closer.

“You know him.” She said it like a statement more than a question.

“Aye. The mayor’s been looking for you.” He directed the second part of the sentence at Henry and she slowly turned her gaze on him.

“You’re the _mayors_  kid?” Henry glanced nervously at the ground.

“M-maybe.” She growled in frustration before turning back to Killian.

"Could you tell me where she lives? I have a lost kid to return." Henry sighed, rolling his eyes.

"I’m not lost! I came and found you. I wasn’t even gone that long!" She counted slowly to ten in her head, trying to calm her racing nerves and slight amount of frustration.

"Listen kid, you didn’t tell your mother where you went. That means you are lost and we should get you home." He narrowed his eyes and she had to admire his stubbornness.

_But here she was._

Standing in the middle of a dark street on her birthday, arguing with a ten year old.

"She’s  _not_ my mom!  _You_  are.” She squeezed her arms tighter, stepping away from him slightly.

“ _Kid…_ " She began, hesitating when she couldn’t phrase it so his feelings wouldn’t get hurt.

"If I may interrupt?" She’d forgotten about him. Emma nodded, grateful for the interruption. "Henry, the mayor is worried about you. I’d say it’s in your best interests to let her know you are safe." He crouched down, offering him a kind smile. "Besides, I’m sure…" He glanced at Emma, an eyebrow raised curiously.

"Emma." She muttered. "Emma Swan." He grinned.

"I’m sure Emma Swan would like to get some rest. A woman as beautiful as her deserves to get some sleep." She blushed and averted her gaze, shrugging off the compliment like it was untrue. It wasn’t, but she long since stopped telling herself that.

_There was no way she could be._

“Thanks, but I need an address.” He nodded, standing up before he quickly pointed down the road and gave her a few directions. When Henry climbed back into the car, after an intense glare from Emma, Killian grabbed her by the wrist. “ _Hey!_ ” She pulled her arm free, stepping away from him.

_He was too close._

“Be careful, Swan. The mayor isn’t entirely  _forgiving_.” She frowned slightly.

"What do you mean?" He shook his head, offering her a slight smile.

"I’m afraid I can’t tell you that, Swan. That would take all the fun out of it." She narrowed her eyes and he chuckled lightly. "I’m Killian, by the way. Killian Jones. We ought to be properly introduced." She rolled her eyes but stuck out her hand.

"Emma Swan." She expected him to shake it, but instead he lifted her knuckles to press his lips lightly against them.

_His eyes never leaving hers as he did so._

Some inexplainable warmth shot through her body as they stared at each other.

"Right. Well I better take the kid home. Thanks for the help." She muttered, pulling her hand away after a moment of staring. A moment of staring she most definitely didn’t mean to do. His eyes were just so enchanting, she wouldn’t have pulled away at all, except for one minor detail.

_They had a look in them._

_A shattered look._

_A look that screamed broken._

_A look just like Emma’s._

That was scary to her,  _terrifying_  actually.

"It was my pleasure, love." She climbed into her car and shut the door. Taking a deep, calming breath before she started her car.

"You should be careful around him." Henry began and she raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah? Why’s that?" He rolled his eyes as if it was painfully obvious and Emma had to admit. This kid had earned her respect.

"Because he’s in this book." She resisted a sigh.

"Oh he is, is he?" Henry nodded, flipping the book open to a certain page. Stopping when he found what he was looking for.

"Yep, and you have just had a chat with Captain Hook." She nearly stopped the car.

"As in moustache and curly hair from Peter Pan?" Henry nodded.

"Technically he’s more like the Hook from the book, but yes.” She frowned but tried to ignore the nagging in the back of her mind that said she might be unable to stay away from this man.

**-/-**

He rolled over in bed, running his hand through his hair as he tried to rid himself of the nightmare.

//

He was on a ship, inhaling the salty sea air. A slight numbing sting ran up his arm and he looked dejectedly at the missing limb as anger coursed through him.

He’d stolen his love, and his hand.

It was only fair if he paid him back in kind.

“Cap’n!” He quickly slid the brace on, clicking a smooth, curved hook into its place.

“Enter, Smee.” The door was thrown open and a small, portly man entered the room. A red knitted cap thrown over his head.

“Cap’n, we’re supposed to meet with-” He held up his hand.

“Do you really think I would have bloody forgotten that?! I’m perfectly aware of where we are supposed to be.” The man-Smee-flinched and stepped back.

Squeaking slightly as he did so.

“Yessir. Of course sir.” He swung his legs off the bed.

“Get out.” Smee nodded, stepped out the door and closing it behind him. Once he was gone, Killian let out a sigh as he ran his hand…his only hand, through his hair. He could still feel Milah in his hands as the life left her body.

She was so heavy, yet weightless at the same time.

Her normally cheerful eyes, empty and blank as her warm hand slipped from his face.

When he came back to her, her body was cold. He half expected her to open her eyes, to laugh, to say something.

_But of course she didn’t._

_She **couldn’t.**_

Her heart was turned to dust in front of him.

He growled, slamming his fist down on the desk. He would get his revenge. Even if it took him another meeting with Peter Pan and several years on Neverland.

_He wouldn’t give up._

_He owed Milah that much._

_//_

That was the moment he woke up, drenched in a cold sweat and blankets strewn around his feet. The nightmare plagued him, it had all seemed so real. But Milah had died in a car crash, she hadn’t had her heart crushed.

_That was impossible anyways._

Still, his heart was racing in his chest.

He ran his hand through his hair again, glancing down at the hand he had lost in the accident. He should consider himself lucky, since he only lost his hand whilst Milah lost her life. No, he must stray away from thoughts of Milah. He stared at the ceiling looming above him, focusing on the bland details and allowing his mind to wander.

_It wandered alright._

It wandered to the blonde lass he had run into.

_Emma Swan._

The name bounced around his head like a never-ending drum. The way her golden curls tumbled across her shoulders, her bright green eyes carefully guarded and controlled.

He gathered she was uncomfortable, given the fact that she crossed her arms over her chest.

A defensive move, if he’d ever seen one.

_She was damaged._

_Hurt._

_Closed off._

Take your pick, but he could tell.

Despite the fact that she tried to guard herself, it just made her that much more of an open book. He could read her, he could see that someone hurt her.

The wounds were deep, so maybe it was more than one person.

But he had the intense need to  _fix_  her.

_To help her._

To twirl her hair around his fingers and drag out a smile.

He sighed again, glancing at his alarm clock. Might as well start tending to the orchids. He could always find Henry later and ask him about Emma. He swung his legs over the bed, suddenly reminded about that horrible dream. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thoughts.

_He really needed to stop watching Disney movies before bed._


	2. Memories?

_Past cure I am, now reason is past care,_

_And frantic-mad with evermore unrest;_

_My thoughts and my discourse as madmen’s are,_

_At random from the truth vainly express’d;_

_For I have sworn thee fair and thought thee bright,_

_Who art as black as hell, as dark as night._

_~ William Shakespeare, Sonnet 147_

-/-

She could feel the blade through her shoulder, then it wasn’t.

Numbing pain drifting through her chest.

The world was spinning, and she was falling. She hadn’t realized she hit the ground until she could feel it under her. See the stars dimming above her. Thats odd, she could’ve sworn it was daytime.

Maybe afternoon?

Or was it truly evening?

Emma couldn’t remember.

Her body felt so heavy, yet she could barely feel it.

_Is this what dying was like?_

_The whole world fading while the stars only got brighter?_

She heard a muffled cry as she tried to focus.

“ _Emma_!” The sound was muted. Like she was covering her ears, but she knew she really wasn’t. “Emma!” They sounded desperate, the voice had a familiar lilt to it, one that she couldn’t quite place. “Emma, love. Open your eyes.” She hadn’t realized they drifted shut. She opened them, but everything was so blurry.

_Too blurry._

“Look at me, love. Look at me.” He muttered as her eyes threatened to shut again.

“Scared.” She forced out, her voice sounding broken and quiet. She could barely hear the words.

_Did they even fall from her lips?_

“Don’t be scared, Emma.” She lifted her eyes to his face, desperate to see who he was but she could only see his eyes. His terrified blue eyes. Then they drifted out of focus. “I’m right here. I’ve got you.” She nodded slowly, but her head felt like lead.

“I know…” She couldn’t fight it any longer, her eyes drifting shut.

The last sound she heard as the world faded from her knowledge was a cry of her name from his lips.

**//**

She jolted awake, nearly jumping out of the chair as she tried to catch her breath.

“Emma?”

_That voice._

_She knew that voice._

“Are you alright, love?” She blinked a few times, glancing over to the door where Killian was standing. A box of orchids in his hands.

“What? Yeah. No I’m fine. Sorry, I must have drifted off.” She smiled but avoided his eyes and he knew something was wrong. Ever since Graham died, she’d been drifting off more often, unable to sleep properly at night. This was the reason she had fallen asleep once again. Sleep finally catching up to her. He frowned slightly, but nodded.

“Where would you like these?” He held up the box of orchids and she bit her lip.

“Um…” She glanced around. “Actually just put them in Gra- my office.” He nodded once, offering her a small smile.

“As you wish, milady.” She rolled her eyes but he was already heading towards her office.

_Her office._

_That still felt weird to her._

She took a calming breath, running her hand through her hair.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” She nodded once, still avoiding his eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Emma?” Henry? He walked freely into the room, dumping his bag into a chair and flopping next to it.

“Kid, what are you doing here?” He shrugged.

“Normally I go to Killian’s shop today, but since he isn’t there…” Emma rolled her eyes.

“I should go, my shop can’t stay unattended forever. Enjoy the flowers, lass.” She nodded, fighting the crushing loss she felt every time he turned his back on her.

“Killian, wait!” She frowned at Henry as he stood up, he looked nervous which made her narrow her eyes. “I was wondering if you could stay and hang out for a bit.” Emma bit her lip, giving him both a pleading and an Im-sorry-you-just-got-dragged-into-this look.

“I would be delighted, lad. I suppose the shop can close early for one day.” Henry grinned, successful in whatever he was planning. This better not be another damn operation.

“Great! Emma was about to take me for ice cream, weren’t you?” She turned her eyes on Henry, who looked so suspiciously innocent that she knew something was up.

“Sure thing, kid. But how about we get some actual food so your mom doesn’t kill me…then you…then me again.” She frowned slightly, thinking about that.

_It was totally plausible._

“Thats the second time you’ve used that.” He pointed out but she just rolled her eyes, throwing his bag over his shoulder and pushing him towards the door.

“Don’t think about it too much, lets just get some food.” He grinned, skipping on ahead of her as Killian turned to follow her out of the station. “Mainly because I’m starving.” She muttered to herself, but he chuckled from behind her.

“You need to take care of yourself, lass.” She rolled her eyes.

“I can handle myself.” She replied as he matched her pace.

“I have no doubt about that, Swan. But from what I’ve seen, you’re not sleeping, and you’re barely eating. That lad of yours is far too attached, he’d be worried if you fell ill.” She rolled her eyes, but he was right.

_She had to take care of herself._

"He’d be the only one." She mumbled, so quietly she didn’t think he heard, but he shot a concerned look her way. She missed it, eyes dead ahead as she watched Henry. He stopped every few seconds to glance back at them, before smiling and continuing on his way.

She stopped dead in her tracks when she realized what he was doing.

"He thinks he’s so smart." She glared at him but he didn’t look back, not even when the three of them stepped into Granny’s diner.

**-/-**

They had taken a corner booth, Henry said he preferred it but she didn’t know why. Ruby came and took their orders, then they were alone. Emma knew Henry had an ulterior motive as to bringing Killian along, or possibly two. One of them, she was positive, was he wanted to set the two of them up.

_The other?_

_She had no idea._

Well, she didn’t until he pulled out his story book after Killian excused himself for a moment.

"Are you sure?" She asked and Henry nodded.

"I think he’d be great for Operation Cobra." She thought for a second.

"But isn’t he one of the characters in your book? Wouldn’t that cause problems?" Henry frowned, clearly thinking before he put the book back in his bag.

“You’re right. He’s not ready.” He glanced at his watch as Killian came back to the table. “Oh! I forgot, I was supposed to meet mom.” Emma shot him a warning glance but he was already sliding out of the booth. “See you later Emma! Bye Killian!” Before either of them could say anything, he was gone.

“Damnit.” Emma muttered before placing nervously at Killian.

_This was going to be awkward._

**-/-**

Liam was dressed in uniform and Killian frowned. How could he be? Liam worked at the marina, not in the navy. He was talking, but the sound was muted. It sounded like music playing from down the street.

_Muffled, muted, but just out of reach._

Like if he took a step closer he would be able to hear it. But his feet wouldn’t move.

_They couldn’t._

_He was frozen on the spot._

Suddenly Liam fell.

_He fell and he wasn’t moving._

Killian’s feet unstuck and he ran over to him, pulling him into his arms and trying to save him. He was already gone, but that means nothing.

He had to  _try._

He had to _save him._

He  **had**  too.

_But this was all wrong._

Liam died when a ship exploded in the harbour.

He didn’t die on a ship in uniform.

_Everything about this was wrong._

Then why did it feel like it was the only thing that was right. He called desperately for help, crying out as he sat on the floor.

_His brother cradled in his arms._

**~/~**

The scene morphed and he was no longer on a ship. He was in the street, watching in horror as the blade slipped through her skin and she fell. She didn’t fall in slow motion, like in the movies.

One second she was standing, then he blinked and she was on the ground.

_He cried out for her, calling to her._

Whoever she was.

_He couldn’t resist._

Her name escaped him but he couldn’t hear it. He ran, scrambling to her and pulling her into his arms, much like he did with Liam. He could feel his mouth movie, his voice quiet and far away.

“Scared.” She sounded  _so weak._

_So broken._

He wanted to tell her not to be scared, not to worry, but he wasn’t sure if she heard him. Her eyes met his, fear reflected in the green depths. She was so familiar, tumbling blonde curls and bright green eyes.

Yet they dulled now, and her eyes slipped shut.

_Just like Liam, she stopped responding._

~/~

He woke up, sitting up quickly and nearly smashing his face on the desk. He’d fallen asleep working again. He could feel his hands shaking, his body in a slight amount of shock from what he’d dreamt.

_Thats all it was._

_It was just a dream._

Liam and the mystery girl.

_They were just a dream._

_Then why did they both feel so real?_

He needed to calm his mind, so he threw on his jacket and shoes and headed out the door. The water was the best way to calm him. It made him feel closer to Liam, to their past. His feet knew the path, through the town then to the harbour. It was a muscle memory now.  _He just knew_. However he paused halfway through town, seeing the yellow bug parked outside the sheriffs station.

_Shouldn’t she be at Granny’s by now?_

He frowned, heading towards it for reasons he couldn’t understand. She was still awake inside. He knocked on the window and she glanced at him, slightly startled but not as much as she should have been.

“Jones?” She opened the door, stepping out beside him. “What on earth are you doing out here at…two in the morning?” Emma seemed surprised by the time, but she covered it up quick enough.

“I needed to clear my head. I was going to the water.” She nodded slowly, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Its calming.” She finished and he smiled slightly.

“Might I ask why you seem to be sleeping in your car?” Her face dropped and she glanced at her feet.

“I was kicked out of Granny’s. This is all I have.” He frowned slightly. “Don’t worry about it. I’m used to being on my own. I do better by myself.” She smiled but he shook his head.

“A beautiful lady like yourself should not be sleeping in her car.” She shrugged, and he decided to just go for it. “You know, Swan. I have a free couch at my house. If you wish to no longer be in the comfort of your vehicle.” She took a step away, shaking her head.

“Thank you, but really. I’m fine.” He nodded once, turning to head back towards the water.

“As you wish.” He mumbled.

“Killian… _wait_.” She doesn’t know why she called after him, she just did. As soon as he faced her she hesitated, tightening her arms across her chest. “Actually…you wouldn’t mind? Just until I can figure something else out.” Killian smiled. The first genuine smile she had seen on him since she met him.

“Of course I wouldn’t, lass. I am a gentleman, after all.” She rolled her eyes but he could see the relief spread across her face. He wondered how often she had actually spent sleeping in that car.

“I’ll give you a ride back, unless you want to go to the water.” He shook his head, already calm.

“Its no trouble.” She climbed back into the car and he got in the passengers seat. Already feeling much calmer than when he started out.

_But there was something about her._

_Her eyes, her hair_ , it seemed  _so_  familiar.

_He just couldn’t place it._

As the pulled up to his cabin and she parked the car, following him in she muttered something and he froze.

_He knew exactly who the lady in his dream was._

_He just didn’t know why it was her._


	3. I Remember, Nothing

If Emma hadn't been in Killian's house when she woke up, she would have surely screamed. 

 

_ Another particular vicious nightmare. _

 

** // **

 

She was backing away, hands held up in front of her for defence, though she wasn’t sure why. A low rumbling noise came from a few feet in front of her, but she was blind to see. 

 

_ Everything was dark.  _

 

She turned to run, but it had grabbed her ankle. Twisting fingers wrapped tightly against her skin. Whatever it was, it had a strong grip. 

 

_ A strong grip and strong teeth.  _

 

She hit the ground, wincing as her body connected with the asphalt. Desperately clawing at the road, she tried to pull away, but to no avail. 

 

The last thing she felt was the burn of the ground sliding against her as she was pulled into the darkness.

 

** // **

 

She woke up after that, her own screams still echoing in her ears. She sat up, stretching before standing and heading over to the kitchen. There was a note on the counter addressed to her. 

 

_ Swan, _

_ Help yourself to any of the mugs in the cupboard, theres coffee in the pot.  _

_ -Jones _

_ p.s Don’t touch the “Captain” one, that one is mine. _

 

She rolled her eyes, but smiled slightly as she grabbed a mug, filled it up and decided to go drink it on the porch. Judging by the time, the sun would just be rising. She curled herself on the front steps, silently closing the door behind her. 

 

_ It was peaceful here.  _

 

_ Tranquil even.  _

 

She could understand why he picked this place. It was far enough away from the rest of town that he wouldn't be bothered. There were no neighbours and the yard had enough space to set up a greenhouse for his flowers. 

 

It was _lonely_. 

 

Emma understood lonely, _she could see it on his face when he thought people weren't looking._

 

_ She could pick it out in the depths of his eyes when he tried to conceal it.  _

 

_ She could hear it in the corners of his voice when he spoke.  _

 

Yes, Emma understood lonely. What she didn't understand, is why she wanted to help him erase it. 

 

“Why Swan, you are up quite early.” She nodded, glancing up as he sat beside her. 

 

"Nightmare." She replied and he just made a noise of understanding. A comfortable silence fell over the two, and it surprised her as to how _easy_ it was. 

 

_ How natural this felt.  _

 

Just sitting here, in silence, drinking coffee as they watched the sunrise. That's what set off Emma's alarms. 

 

_ This was too easy.  _

 

_ She couldn't have this.  _

 

_ The last time she tried, he died in her arms.  _

 

_ No.  _

 

_ Happiness was definitely something she couldn't have.  _

 

"So Emma, why are you here?" She frowned. 

 

"You invited me here?" He shook his head. 

 

"No...I mean here, here. Storybrooke. We don't get many visitors here, especially ones as beautiful as you." She rolled her eyes shaking her head slightly and deflecting the compliment. 

 

"Henry. He...he showed up at my door. Starting spewing some shit about being my son..." She faltered, swallowing nervously before turning her eyes back on the sunrise. "He didn't want me to leave, so I stayed. Just to humour him, but now I guess I'm stuck here." She shrugged, surprised he hadn't interrupted. She glanced over at him to see him staring curiously at her. "It's not so bad, I mean. I get to spend time with the kid...I just don't often stay in one place for very long." She finished, taking a drink from her mug. 

 

"Swan, I-" Before he could say anything, her phone rang. 

 

"Sheriff Swan?" She sighed. "Seriously." A slight pause. "I didn't know Sheriff's could have the day off." She rolled her eyes and shook her head slightly. "I'm still working today, I told you I'm perfectly fine. Phone my cell if there is an emergency." She hung up the phone, chewing on her lip as she did so. She knew about the obligatory days off after Graham's...accident, but she didn't want to take them. 

 

She never wanted time to think, she did enough thinking as it was. 

 

"So..." She began, turning slightly to face Killian. "Tell me about your flowers." 

 

** -/- **

 

She didn't know a man could be so passionate about something. Instead of just telling her, he practically dragged her to his greenhouse and showed her the flowers. There were plenty of different types, and apparently they all had different meanings. He had orchids, and plenty of them. But they most definitely weren't the only flower in there. 

 

"Here, for you, _milady_." He handed her one specific branch of orchid. "It's a Cattleya." She hesitated before ultimately deciding to reach out and take it. Her fingers brushed his and she nearly jolted back at the electric spark. 

 

"W-what's this one mean?" She tried to cover up her stutter, but she wasn't sure if he heard or not, his face remaining impassive. When her words reached his ears, he scratched behind one of them, a light blush tainting his cheeks. 

 

"I can't give away all the surprise, now can I?" He winked at her and moved on to the rest. She followed him slowly, her eyes trained on the flower in front of her. 

 

"Killian, wait." He stopped, turning around immediately at her quiet call. "Tell me more about this." He tilted his head adorably, a slight frown flitting across his face. She couldn't help but smile as she flicked her gaze back to the flower. "You told me about all the others, but not the...Cate-" He cut her off. 

 

" _Cattleya_?" She nodded, her eyes trained on the flower. It was graceful looking, seeming to match its beautiful name. But it's petals were bright, and stunning. Certainly something that would catch an eye or two. "Well...they are a type of orchid from Costa Rica, named in 1817 by William Cattley. They typically have three narrow sepals, which are these green leafy parts under the petals, they are to protect the flower petals from underneath. They usually also have three petals, two that are similar in shape and a third is different. Those three meet up here where it's folded into a tube." Obviously there was something about flowers that he really loved, judging by his expression. 

 

_ He scratched behind his ear again.  _

 

"They have a particular meaning, and match up to the meaning quite well." She smiled at him, making a mental note to look up the meaning of the flower later. 

 

"Wow, that's amazing." His cheeks reddened and he avoided her eyes. "What made you want to learn about all this?" She gestured to all the flowers and he shrugged, his face going somewhere dark. She understood. "Hey, Killian. It's _okay_. You don't have to tell me." Unconsciously she reached out to grasp his hand, it was a show of comfort but it still sent electricity shooting up her arm. 

 

"My...my mother really loved them, and she passed that on to my older brother and myself. We ran the business together, until he passed.” She wasn’t expecting that. She never was the best with words, so she squeezed his hand and hoped he could read the sincerity in her eyes. 

 

“Its not easy…losing someone. Not something you ever get over. But you aren’t alone, and the people you lose, never truly leave you.” It was silent for a moment before he nodded, glancing away from her. 

 

“Right you are, Swan.” She decided a change in topic would be a good idea right about now, so she glanced at the flowers in the corner. 

 

_ They were lonely looking, a tiny, isolated group of flowers.  _

 

“What are those ones?” They were blue, and looked similar to the tattoo on her wrist. 

 

“Forget me nots.” He replied quietly, watching her curiously as she moved towards them. 

 

“Why are they so far away from the other flowers?” She turned away from the flowers to see a soft expression covering his face. His eyes staring into hers. 

 

“They were sitting in the shop for days, nobody wanted them.” She chewed on her lip, fingers lightly tracing one of the petals. 

 

“Shame, they’re so pretty.” He didn’t hesitate before closing the distance between them.

 

“I have seen many pretty flowers, Swan. Some more beautiful than others. At times, they just end up alone.” She didn’t think that he was talking about the flowers at all. 

 

“Well still, perhaps you should keep them somewhere nice.” She crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow at him. 

 

“Perhaps I should.”

 

** -/- **

 

“Please.” She was begging him, her fingers clinging to his jacket. “Killian, _please_.” He shook his head, stepping away from her. 

 

“Emma, if this person says I have to do this. I have to do this.” He covered her hand with his, a soft smile lighting his face. “You’ll find me somehow, love.” She shook her head. 

 

“Don’t go, _please_. _Don’t you go where I can’t follow._ ” Tears overflowed and streamed down her face and she was helpless to stop them. Just like she was helpless to stop him. 

 

“Miss Swan, you know what will happen.” She ignored the voice, staring at Killian. She cursed herself for being so _weak._  

 

For _allowing_ her lip to _tremble_. 

 

For _allowing_ the tears to _fall off her face._  

 

For _allowing_ herself to _fall for him._

 

“Emma, love. Stop blaming yourself.” His eyes were sad. 

 

_ So very sad.  _

 

_ They hadn’t been that sad for a while.  _

 

She chased away that sadness, she made it fall into the darkness. She brought the light back into his life, like he had hers. Now he was being ripped away from her. 

 

“You won’t remember me, love. Nor I, you.” She nodded, sniffling slightly. 

 

“I know.” She traced the scar on his cheek with her thumb. “Promise me one thing.” He waited, his eyes seeming to memorize her entire face. 

 

_It was pointless, they both knew it._  

 

“Promise me, that when I find you again, you will not stop until I believe you.” He nodded, squeezing her hand before lifting them both to wipe away her tears. “I love _you_ , Killian.” She smiled slightly, stretching up on her toes. 

 

“And I, _you_.” She pressed her lips to his, pouring every emotion she could into it. 

 

“Now, if you will Mr Jones.” She tightened her grip on his jacket. 

 

“Don’t go.” She whispered, quiet and broken. “ _Please_ , not where I can’t follow.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, prying her fingers from his jacket before stepping away. 

 

“There is no other way, Swan. You _will_ find me, I believe in you.” Then the door shut, and he was gone. 

 

** // **

 

She sat up quickly in bed, wiping her eyes. Why was she crying? She had a dream, but it was fading from her memory. 

 

She only remembered the incredible sadness and a sense of loss. 

 

_ But that was it.  _

 

_ No details, nothing.  _

 

She’d been having a few of those dreams lately. She quickly checked her phone, frowning when she saw the name calling her. 

 

“Mary Margaret? What’s wrong?” A split second delay. 

 

“Emma, somethings happened.” 


	4. The Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I APOLOGIZE FOR TAKING 7 YEARS TO UPDATE THIS. Things happened and life got busy. BUT NEVERTHELESS. HERE IS AN UPDATE.

A car crash.

 

_A completely ordinary event._

 

Nobody was injured terribly, David had a few cuts and bruises and the worst Killian suffered was a broken arm. Still, Emma couldn't calm down. She wanted to flip out. She wanted to get mad. She wanted to tell him not to be such an idiot. But she barely knew the guy, so that would all be rather strange. Instead she turned on her heel and stepped out of the hospital.

 

She couldn’t do _this._

 

Everything she touches _breaks_. This is further proof of that. Graham, now Killian and David. She should have known by now, or at least figured out, that she was destined to be alone. Taking a slow deep breath she decided to head back in and do her job before Regina, well Mayor Mills, decided to use that as another excuse as to why she shouldn't ever see Henry.

 

"Sheriff Swan, so glad you could join us." It took every ounce of strength that Emma had, not to roll her eyes.

 

"This was in the job description." She mumbled before turning to face Killian.

 

"I'll leave you to it then, Miss Swan." Regina headed towards the door, pausing when she got there. "I expect this to be resolved quickly, and dealt with accordingly. I will not tolerate any special treatment." Emma rolled her eyes, offering no return reply as the door swung shut behind the Mayor.

 

“So, Mr Jones, are you going to tell me what happened today?” He raised an eyebrow at her, glancing up at her standoff-ish posture. She had her arms over her chest and her body tilted the slightest amount away from him.

 

“Well, the sun was in my eyes, and I crashed into David’s truck. Not a whole lot to tell, Swan.” He tilted his head to the side, looking like a curious puppy as he did so. The way his eyes were scanning her face made her slightly nervous, almost like he was looking directly in her soul.

 

“Nothing to drink today?” He shook his head, incredulous.

 

“It’s not yet 10 am.” She shrugged but she could tell he wasn’t really lying. There was a moment of silence, one that said he wanted to say something else, but when he opened his mouth, he closed it again. She sighed, before dropping her arms.

 

“Alright, well I believe you. There will be an incident report filled out at the station, and I have no idea what the Mayor will want to do about it. “ He nodded once, scratching nervously behind his ear. There was something oddly familiar about the scene in front of her. Something that told her that this had happened before, but she couldn’t place it.

 

“Aye aye, Swan.” She frowned, a memory of sitting in a hospital room flashing through her brain.

 

“Shut up.” She muttered, turning towards the door as she shook her head slightly. That had to be a memory her brain made up because the last time she had been in a hospital room, she had lost her child.

 

“Emma,  wait.” Killian’s voice called out just before she exited the room. The use of her first name caused her to pause. "I'm taking Henry sailing in a few days time, he requested it and I won't let a broken arm stop me from filling my promise. Would you like to join us, love?"

 

"You'd let me join you?" He nodded smiling slightly at her.

 

"Give you a better chance to be with your lad, yeah? Without the Mayor controlling everything." A tiny smile flitted across her face and she nodded.

 

"I'd love to, Jones. Thank you..." Another smile, brief as it was, flashed along her face.

 

-/-

 

_“I want a ship." Emma giggled at his sudden declaration, turning around in Killian's arms._

_"What?" She raised an eyebrow, confused about his sudden outburst._

_“I want a ship, so I can take you sailing." She was just about to say something when he continued, "wouldn't that be nice? You and I, on a boat, free to go wherever our hearts desire..."_

_She had to admit, it did sound kind of nice. The two of them finally free from everything that was holding them down. Finally able to escape the fears and doubts and tragic histories that stopped them from living._

_But as she curled herself tighter to his side, letting her eyes drift closed as he spoke of seafaring travels, she realized it only sounded nice because they would be together._

-/-

 

The water had always been a slight fear of Emma's, considering she nearly drowned at one of her foster homes, she had grown a little wary of it.  But seeing Killian so happy to be on a boat made her stomach twist and a smile pull at her lips. He was definitely in his element here, and Henry was just as excited. He followed Killian around and did what was asked of him. It was clear to Emma that Henry loved Killian, and wanted to be quite like him some day.

 

She glanced out at the water, a tiny knot forming in her stomach. The familiar crash and rock of the boat as the waves tossed it back and forth was causing her to feel panicked. It wasn't like she didn't know how to swim. Oh no! On the contrary, she was a lifeguard one summer. That doesn't mean that she had to love the ocean, or that she wouldn't feel terrified every time she looked out into the vast expanse of emptiness they called an ocean. It didn't take long before she felt eyes drilling a hole into her head, so she turned her gaze away from the overwhelming thoughts to glance at Killian. As soon as she looked over, he looked away. But not before a briefly confused expression flash across his face.

 

"Emma, watch this!" Henry grabbed her attention as he made his way up to the crows nest. A surge of motherly panic hit her but before she could say anything Killian was at her side.

 

"He's fine, Emma. It's been many a year of him climbing that." She frowned as Henry waved to her, raising her hand to wave back.

 

"You've been letting him climb up there for years?" She asked and Killian nodded.

 

"Relax, I wouldn't let him climb it without making sure he was safe. Gods know Mayor Mills would have my head if anything happened to her son.”

 

“Right...her son.” Killian’s eyes widened momentarily when he realized what he had said.

 

“Emma I-”

 

“Do you think I’m making a mistake?” She focused her eyes on her hands, refusing to look at him. ”Do you think that staying here, that attempting to be...whatever I’m trying to be to Henry, is all a mistake?” Killian was silent so she continued. “I know I’m not mother material, I never was. I dont even have anything to go off of, but there was this one tiny part of me that thought maybe I could do this, maybe I could be a mother…now I’m not so sure.”

 

“Swan, trust me. You are Henry’s mother too, and you are stunning at it. You haven’t been at it long, and I know you’re afraid, but you shouldn’t be. You’re an amazing mother, Emma. Don’t ever doubt that.” Killian smiled as she met his eyes, “trust me on this one.” A tiny nod was enough to satisfy him.

 

Trust isn’t something Emma came by easily, but maybe she could give it a shot.

 

_Just this once._

 

-/-

 

_“Don’t you trust me?” She spun around, her fists curled into balls as anger surged through her._

_“Of course I trust you! You’re the first person I’ve started to truly trust in a long time. But Killian, I can’t let myself trust you...it doesn’t turn out well. It never has and it never will.” He reached for her but she stepped back. “I can’t do this, Killian. I wont.”_

_“Emma,” He began, but she had to leave. She couldn’t stay here and let him change her mind. She knew he would, he was the only one who could. Killian had a strange power over her heart, and that was something she couldn’t let happen. It would only end in pain and her getting hurt. It always did._

_“No, Killian. I can’t. I can’t get hurt again.” Her feet started to move and before he had the chance to stop her, she was gone._

 

-/-

 

It wasn’t like the weekend hadn’t been fun. Being on Killian’s boat was different, it didn’t seem so scary. For some reason Emma had felt completely safe...but she was getting too close. He was too close. She had to put some distance between them, or she was going to get hurt. So she kept busy with her job and her new friend, who had been kind enough to let her move into her very spacious loft.

 

Emma had never had a roommate before, granted she did have some in the foster homes...but an intentional roommate was something she never had. She’d found out pretty early on that she was better off alone.

 

So this, living with Mary Margaret, was something that was newer to her. However, that didn’t stop her from making herself right at home.

 

“Emma, this letter came for you today.” She leaned across the counter to pull the piece of paper out of Mary Margaret’s hands.

 

“Huh, I wonder who it’s from…” Mary Margaret shrugged glancing at it.

 

“I didn’t see an address or a name, other than yours of course.” Emma carefully opened the paper, her eyes quickly scanning the words before an unintentional gasp escaped her mouth.

 

The letter floated to the floor, only one word visible.

  
_Dead._


End file.
